Taco Club
Systems Admin
Taco Club International
11/5/2007
Education
La Universidad del Taco (1804 – 1807)
Majoring in Spice
Most of my time here was spent investigating taco flavor and researching cowboy tastes buds, so that when we were taken over, I wouldn’t be tossed to the curb with no love..
Related coursework: taco burgers, taco pizza, salsa, taco dip (not the Dorito dip).
Taco Elementary (1801 – 1804)
Learned letters, like “Ñ” and “ll” like in “llama” and “tortilla shell”, but in the second example, don’t say “shay”, it’s actually “shell”. I probably shouldn’t have given that example, but I put it in there so that more people would understand because some people might call it a tortiLLa with a hard second syllable, but that’s not right, it’s sheLL, as in beLL, and heLL, and sexy man hair geLL, but without the 2 LLs on gel, because I’m not stupid, I know how to spell gel, but that shows another one, “speLL”, so include that, it’s a good example too. Elementary school was swell. Oh, wait, there’s another one, crap…
Focused on human taco interaction, interactive taco media, and taco shop skills.
Related coursework: taco programming, interactive taco components, PCB taco design), Video taco production, Online taco Media (Director, Web Design).
Experience
Taco Club International (November 2, 2007 – present)
So I was approached for this job from some REALLY REALLY sweet dudes that were having their monthly taco club meeting. I’ve only been at it for the weekend and today, and clearly it’s not that good of a job as I’m posting my resume now, so scratch that. I need something better though. All my bosses did this weekend was eat tacos and drink booze, what kind of people are they? To me that is called cannibalism, and I can’t work for a cannibal. But that reminds me of a funny joke. Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? ….Because they taste funny!!! Hahaha. Man, see, I’m funny too, why wouldn’t you want to hire a smart taco?
Bandido (1810 – 1960)
Right out of school, I traveled the world a bit, so I didn’t really get into actual “taco work” until 1810, but the world wide trip really “seasoned” me for what was to come. But I started off as a bandido because nobody really cared for me yet, but I evolved in the 1970’s to a hippy. So a lot of my ingredients included illegal drugs, but this only increased my value.
Sexual innuendo (1961 – present)
In the 1960’s people used me to refer to the womans private parts. It was good publicity, but it seems people preferred the womens parts more and really drove down my value. This was and is a low point in my career and continues to plague my interviews.
Taco Insurance (2003 – 2004)
During phase one of the project I was on an eight person team recording and assigning serial number, inventory, and asset tags for all company taco hardware. The second phase I built 100+ applications for clean remote installation using taco Packaging Studio. All applications were sorted by user group requirements and I was heavily involved in developing taco-y solutions to bug fixes reported during stability testing. All tacos reported no issues here.
Mexican Government Entertainment (1865 – 2006)
Lead an eight person team for New Years Eve taco decoration and club setup. Assisted with taco bar setup for DJs and bands throughout the year. At the end of the tenure though, the Mexican Government ditche me in favor of my tastier cousin, Chalupa Joe, which I have to admit, is a better tasting, spicier, sexier version of me.
Chapters (2000 – 2002)
I was part of a two person team employed as full time taco Shipper/Receivers. We maintained the best warehouse in all of Mexico and were occasionally loaned to other stores to demonstrate the methods we developed for taco speed and efficiency in the warehouse. One time Paco threw a taco through a window that landed on Gary's head. This gave the taco more spice and ultimately became the "Taco Bravo".
Skills
Pimp
I can pimp myself as a taco, yes, as a taco. Ho’s love this sh*t.
Hands on
Leatherworking, Metalworking, Plastics,Paper, Woodworking, Sewing, Casting, Moulding, Electronics, Juggling, Soldering, Technical taco illustration
Activities
2 comments:
You know what? I can't read your goddam font that's what. Black on Green with thick, squished up letters, yeah, great taco idea.
And furthermore, I call into question your so-called hit counter. 897 hits? My cubed tomato you have 897 hits.
As for hiring a taco, it depends on how spicey we're talking. The Thai food people have it right. You know how they answer the phone in Thailand? Like this, "Hello, how spicey?" They get right to it.
Then you respond with from one to five stars and go from there.
This resume lacks sex appeal, know thy market Taco. You speak of skills and experience, have you forgotten that all Tacos are sexy beasts. In this land of player Gorditos and fickle Chalupas you must up your game...Bring the sexy back.
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